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  • Tiffany Verhasselt

What is normal sex?

As a sex and intimacy coach, I see so many people questioning what “normal sex” is.



From:


— Is it normal not to like kissing?


— How many times a month is it normal to have sex?


— Is it normal to lie about watching porn?


— Is it normal to want to have sex in a shower?



To:


— Is it normal to not like your vagina touched?


— Is it normal to think about sex all the time?


— Is it normal to not enjoy penetration?


— Is it normal for a woman not to care about a man’s pleasure?



…and the list goes on.



What is normal sex?


The idea of “normal sex” is preposterous. “Normal” implies one size fits all scenario, and when it comes to sex, nothing can be further away from it. What seems normal to you may not be so for someone else, and vice versa.



For anyone worried if it’s “normal” to experience (insert your concern) in sex:


“Normal” – is a setting on a dryer. Becoming sexually empowered means owning your needs, desires, and what brings you pleasure, and I can’t encourage you enough to do that.


If you are into some imaginative alien octopus orgy fantasy role play, and your partners are on board – have a ball! When it comes down to it, we all experience desire, pleasure, and connection differently, and trying to fit a square peg into a round hole will end up feeling like a failure.


As long as whatever you are doing is consensual, brings you joy, and works for you, then who cares if it’s considered normal.



On the other hand, if you are unhappy with the sex you are having, then no amount of people saying it’s “normal” should justify you forcing yourself to do it.


Choose custom-made instead of normal



My advice is for you to learn to ask better questions. It could be: “What can I do to get my needs met? Enjoy myself more? Let my partner know I’m not into it?” Researching these questions is more likely to result in finding effective and actionable solutions.


After living your whole life following sexual mores, might it be time to explore what sexual fulfillment means for you?




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